I have not been watching much tv recently and it's rather hard to talk and reflect interpersonal communication from media texts so I thought this week I will do a self reflection article based on my own experience. This is also largely due to the fact i have not been watching much tv nowadays so i cannot really think of any. This is quite a dangerous move and I hope I don't come across as a bad person to befriend as I will really talk about my takes on friendship and the various cause&effect actions taken.
I for one really really agree with the contemporary definition of interpersonal comm, establishing a relationship with someone else to edify our own social needs and personal goals. At first I was thinking, personal goals like climbing the corporate ladder? Or to use others to ensure success? But as I pondered over it, I realised that it can also be something simple as emotional needs. It is a lie if someone says they do not need to satisfy a certain level of emotional needs. Sometimes the reason why I 'bother'(in lack of a better word) to really establish a connection and relationship with another person is because I see the other as a person I know I can trust and rely on. In a way that fulfills my own personal goal of establishing trust and "confimation" before I pour my heart into the relationship that will satisfy my emotional needs. I know I might sound so paranoid and insecure but I THINK that most of us do this unconsciously when really forming close and tight friendships.
It is true that physical appearance plays the biggest role in determining the initial stages of the relationship. During orientation I was scanning around the theatre for people who looked pleasant, friendly and to sit beside. Someone who looks friendly and 'open' enough to strike a conversation with. I have this insecurity around good-looking people, in fear they will go like "omg, why are you sitting beside me?" maybe cause of past bad experiences, so I tend not to go up to them to initiate conversations. This is just perception on my part. No offense to good-looking people out there. But this is generally for initial mass gathering situations, once I open up to the surroundings and I more or less get comfortable with the people around me I try to establish some sort of connection with the people around me.
As time goes by do look for similarities with a person, like values, social preferences(for example I'm not really into the whole nightlife scene) before opening up the more personal and private part of my life, taking the relationship, or friendship for that matter, deeper. I have this friend in JC and she was the first non-secondary sch friend I made in class. As we started to get to know each other more I realised we had quite a lot in common, in religion, values, music and other things in general. Though we did have quite a lot of differences as well, it was more of complements to each other, like she was more disciplined whereas I was more about having 'a moment of fun'. So especially in JC context, she pulled me down back to reality that A's were indeed a few months away. I think without her i really would have flunked my A levels, even though i didnt do that well but it helped. But due to the similarities, we really stuck together during the whole two years and we were each others confidantes, even until now we still are and we still meet up. This is not to say that there are no differences that causes friction here and there, but as the relationship grew and deepened we kind of overlook all these kind of small knick knacks and concentrated less on the flaws of each other. I think thats what happens after the friendship has matured past a certain level.
Lastly i also have come across friend where the relationship just dissolves. During first 3 months(the temporary tertiary period before O level results are released) i had this friend and it was a blast when i just got to know her. She was funny and always cracking some wise comment. But after a while I began to see a lot of her flaws and I could not really cope with it in the sense cause it occured a lot of times and I saw it all at one shot. Like how she could not manage her money well and had to borrow all the time and she never fails to not return the money. And she kind of likes to make use of people. She will throw a tantrum and play the reverse psychology game to ensure she gets her way and I always give in. It got to a point of stagnation but after awhile it really tired me down and I got less and less excited whenever there was a gathering and she was going to be there. In the end I withdrew myself from the friendship and i sealed the channels of communication. After awhile it reached stage 10, of termination. I guess the intensity of the first three months causes relationships to skip the steps and hence the the filtering does not happen until its about too late to end it without the awkwardness.
Communication is really one wide subject and every single theory can be applied to real life happenings. It is really different from the the education system I've been under for the past 19 years of my life.
